alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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