A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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