i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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