i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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