I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
