i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
