i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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