dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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