1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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