If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
