there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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