If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
