whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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