Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
