I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
