The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I need a beard to bite.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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