Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
