i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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