I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
