I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
