We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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