I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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