I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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