Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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