Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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