I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
