I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
