it wasn't lemon gatorade
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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