My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
