Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
