Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
