your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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