her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
