you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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