remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
