Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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