I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
