D3 body, D1 cock
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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