Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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