Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
