Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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