I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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