remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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