my phone needs a breathalizer
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize