my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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