white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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