love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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