you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Randomize
