I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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