So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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