My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
