The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
