We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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