FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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