The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
