shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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