Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I will be naked everywhere
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize