You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
