No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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