Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
