he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
