remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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