In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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