I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
