so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize