it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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