yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
