It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize