Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
