I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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