Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize