We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
