How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
