Where did you get a picture of my penis
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize