I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
