I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
