I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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