Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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