i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
