Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
